Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
