So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
