Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
