Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
