Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
