Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
