I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
