It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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