best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
