We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
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Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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