How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
