now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
