You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
