TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Ladies don't puke and tell
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
