apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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