i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
