I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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