We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
