hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
