Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
