so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
