he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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