Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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