Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
