You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
