Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
