I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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