At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
