I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
