You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
