Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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