just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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