1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
