Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
