WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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