I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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