On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
