My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
