One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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