I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
