Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
