No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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