This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
