Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
