I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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