The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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