I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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