then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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