i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
