Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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