He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
