It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There are leaves in my underwear?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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