Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
