i love accidental penises.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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