I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
