My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
