I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
