He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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