i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
