this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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