i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor