God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
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I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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