I have demons in me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
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I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me