i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.