i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
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Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation