I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
