She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
