mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
