I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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