I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
