Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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