Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
