she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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