is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
