i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."