You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.