Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself