Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
