oh good, I think they're gone
he thought i was a dude.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
pray to the hookup gods
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?