i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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