My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
