I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
