I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
