Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
