Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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