It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
