I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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